37. Practical Guide 2: What Is Stopping Me from Experiencing Wellness?

As part of the celebrations of the first birthday of this podcast, Claudia has collated a series of Practical Guide episodes, drawing on her own experiences as a coach and fear of success instructor but also from the knowledge shared by the guests on the podcast over the past year.

Today's episode is the second of this series with the aim that by the end of the practical guide series you will have created a personalised roadmap to wellness.

For further resources please visit the accompanying webpage

Focusing on what prevents us from experiencing wellness, Claudia delves into topics like self-love, worthiness, and the societal pressures that shape our belief systems. She discusses the impact of generational trauma and people-pleasing behaviours and offers actionable advice on how to start small in making positive changes. Claudia emphasises the importance of reframing negative self-talk and recognizing personal worth. Listeners are encouraged to follow their own definitions of wellness while being mindful of how their actions and words shape their reality.

02:31 Defining and Experiencing Wellness

04:17 The Importance of Self-Worth

06:15 Overcoming External Influences

10:46 The Power of Starting Small

13:12 Embracing Individuality and Growth

22:38 Overcoming People Pleasing

23:58 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Remember to get your free workbook here

Sign up to the Overcoming People Pleasing Masterclass (send Claudia a DM for the link)

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Empowered by Claudia podcast, where we explore all things self improvement and you will discover tools, tips, and tricks to empower you to transform your life. I'm Claudia, your host, a nurse, empowerment coach, fear of success instructor, and your mentor on your self development journey.

Empowered I knew firsthand how confusing and overwhelming this journey can be. So I created this podcast to support you so you don't feel alone.

So welcome to the practical guides. Now I created these to celebrate one year of the Empowered by Claudia podcast. And this, these guides. Incorporate all of the things that we have learned over the last year and 32 episodes of the Empowered by Claudia podcast, both of myself, Claudia, as a coach, a fear of success instructor, and a nurse, and a mum, and a human, and just everything, plus all of my wonderful guests that have been on the podcast.

But they also are set out in a way that would give you a little bit of a flavor of what. Working with me as a coach is like and help you by the end of the four practical guides you'll be able to create your own roadmap to wellness. Now, whether you decide to work with me on a one to one basis or go through my Lady Lady Self Love Academy, disclaimer, you don't need to be a lady, don't need to identify as a lady, it's just the name I took.

Okay? So, I welcome anyone. This is a value in my business. I like everyone. Seriously, I do not want to be discriminatory. I just love and value each of you exactly as you are. So please feel free to join me and work through these practical guide sessions. I know that you're going to absolutely love them and get so much value and I cannot wait to hear how you've gone.

All of the resources are at www. claudiasabinawellness. com slash practical guides. And without further ado, let's begin.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Empowered by Claudia podcast. I'm your host Claudia and today we are diving into our second practical guide. Now today we are looking at what is stopping us from experiencing wellness. Now Last time we literally went into a definition of wellness, what it is, and now I want to ask you the question is, are you actually living your definition of wellness or is something getting in your way?

And I'm going to hazard a guess that something might be getting in your way and there could be so many things, but one of the main things that I found for me was that lack of self love. I didn't feel that I was worthy. of this life I wanted to have. It was like beggars can't be choosers was like running through my head and be grateful for what you've got and don't ask for anything more that's just been greedy and all of these things that have just built up inside just seemed to, I don't know, dictate how I led my life and very much built my life on a requirement of having that external validation.

Like a lot of us do, like, you know, we have this instinct inside us, a survival instinct that we want to fit in. We don't want to be an outcast. We want to be with the tribe. We don't want to go against the grain. And actually that can be really tricky to decide that actually no, I'm going to figure out exactly what I want and I am going to take steps to get there.

So, do you feel worthy for experiencing wellness as you defined it last time? And if you don't feel worthy, why not? Has someone said something? Have you observed somebody else saying that about themselves? When we are children between the ages of nought and seven, our brains are like sponges. We soak up everything, we listen, we watch, we literally just absorb everything from those people around us.

Obviously not all of that is good. So we're absorbing what people are saying, what people are doing, if there's any inconsistencies in that, all of that, and we take that on as our belief system. So if you were brought up with a parent who is very self sacrificing, is a total people pleaser, and doesn't prioritize their own health and well being, you're likely to mimic that into adulthood.

Thank you. And decide that is the way to be, because that is the way you've been taught, whether that person realised that or not. And it's where we find ourselves quite overwhelmed sometimes when we are bringing up children, because When you have an awareness of these kind of things, it can then feel really, really tough on some of those days where you're not showing up as your best self because, for instance, you haven't filled up your cup, because there hasn't been time to do that or ability or childcare or whatever it is, but actually it's being conscious and thinking about What messages we are conveying to our children.

So do we look in the mirror every day and grab any loose bits of that and go, Oh, this is awful. Or do we speak more positively about our bodies or, you know, do we compliment our friends and partner and how are we treating people around us? Because these little children are watching, they are watching, they're taking it in and that is how they're living their lives.

And I've noticed a lot when I'm sitting there watching like TV or whatever with the kids, I'm like, Oh, that's interesting. There's a lot of like, I mean, my daughter loves one particular program with a particularly cheeky, um, a farmyard animal. And some of the narratives in that, um, I don't find particularly healthy.

I'm like, Oh, that is not what I am bringing my children up to do. They can do anything. That they want to, and they are them simple as, but I think it can be really hard when there is an inconsistency between your values and then what's happening in daily life, which is life. You know, we cannot always a hundred percent show up as our best self.

We have to invest time and effort in that. So going back to where I was with worthiness, so we are worthy of wellness. Yes, we may slip up. Yes, every day might not be perfect. But we are working towards a better self. We are working towards nourishing and growing ourselves. And we are absolutely worthy of doing that.

It is not selfish. It is not greedy. And yes, there are people in this world who don't have that luxury. And yes, we should do stuff to support them. But not at the cost. I mean, how does it help them if we deprive ourselves?

It doesn't because unless it's like um, that thing when you're growing up and your parents are saying oh you best clean your plate otherwise I'm going to send the rest of the starving children to Africa. Well clearly they're not because the starving children in Africa deserve more than just the leftover of your plate and it probably wouldn't survive the shipping and etc etc.

But a helpful thing would be to say well your pocket money is going to the children in Africa not. Like, you're left out on food. I digress. Um, my point is that not developing yourself and not nourishing yourself and looking after yourself is not going to benefit other people who are struggling, who have it worse than you.

But being intentional about how we can help people who've got it worse than you. And this is where the comparisonitis comes in. So it's very easy to one, become overwhelmed. So when we look at say on social media, we see other people doing certain things. We think, Oh, why isn't my house pristine? Why, why isn't this this way and that way or whatever, but we're living different lives.

We've got different support systems in place. We've got different finances and we only see a snapshot and say, show her social media. We don't see the true reality. Um, of every waking minute of people's lives. And I think it's really important to put things that you see on social media into perspective.

It is literally a snapshot. It is not, it's not the whole picture. It's not the whole story. And we know better than to judge a book by a cover. But what we do is we judge ourselves. buy another box cover. And we go, oh, but that picture, or that post on social media says that everything's perfect. And why am I not perfect?

Well, they're not perfect either. But that doesn't mean you're not worthy of trying, worthy of improving. But it also isn't, A reason to be discouraged before you even start, like you have to start to see change and actually starting is the hardest thing, you know, like imagine if you are trying to get a boulder moving it takes from a mechanic's perspective, it takes so much force to overcome the initial inertia.

To overcome that force, you have to push, push, push, push, push. But once it reaches the tipping point and starts moving, it then gains its own momentum and it will be a lot easier.

the hardest thing. Um, because once you've started, you can celebrate on how far you've come. You can reflect back and go, okay, that was really challenging, but I did it. And that can give you motivation to continue. So actually that starting that requirement, that belief that you need to have this belief that you deserve it, that you deserve.

To aspire to wellness, in your definition, not anyone else's definition, your definition.

I think we do. I know myself, particularly when I first became a mother, I was, I felt like I wasn't good enough. And I'm sure a lot of you have also felt that way in various places. Parts of life. It could be showing up as like imposter syndrome with work. If you get promotion, you think did they, did they promote the right person?

Did they really mean, did they realize it was me that they were promoting? And just kind of devaluing everything you have achieved because you don't want to seem boastful and you don't, you know, this pride comes before a fall. Well, if I celebrate it, something awful is going to happen. And actually, then you're just letting.

The fear perpetuate, because if you never celebrate anything, you're never going to then go and try and do something new. You're just always going to keep yourself small and then that's not really a life. That is not what we are here for. We're here to grow and

to enjoy our existence, to share all of our wonderful strengths and qualities with the world and actually create communities of people with. a desire also to share. And going back to people pleasing and this worry about, well, I've got to fit in, I've got to conform, I've got to do everything that society says I should do, otherwise I'm going to be ostracized.

Maybe everybody doesn't want to fit in, you know, and actually there's a reason that we're not all robots doing the same jobs with the same thoughts. We are individuals. And what I want to share with you and encourage you and empower you is that you are in control of your life. You get to choose, you get to map it out, and not saying that everything that you put on your vision board or write about is going to come true, because actually it takes a lot of graft and, you know, you're not going to go into space without having done that.

A significant amount of training and you know, all of those things is, but it's about giving yourself that permission to tap into your desires. What do I really want? If I was completely delusional, what would I wish for? And just let yourself think about it and then go, okay, so what's one step to take me there?

You don't necessarily need to know the whole journey. And it might be a long way. It changes. God knows my vision for how my business is going to develop is completely different to how it was when it started, but it's better and it's grown with me and we are forever growing. Um, it's like when you're in a relationship with someone, you either grow together or you grow apart.

And actually, Because we're all on a journey and we're all going somewhere and actually that's the beautiful thing. We're not stagnant. We don't want to be stagnant. Um, I think that one of the hard things for me was obviously deciding what I wanted, but then actually being able to speak up about it. I found that really hard.

I found that, I spent my life hiding, hiding my name. My name was always mispronounced going up, growing up, being a German in a tiny Northeastern town where there was no diversity. Um, pretty much everybody, um, knew each other or was a family with each other. And having. It's a foreign name with a foreign mum and, well, I mean, my dad is from South England with a very posh accent.

My mum's from Germany with a very strong German accent. And I had more of an accent than I do now, but that's because I've lived elsewhere in the country for more of my life than I lived abroad. Um, but I dreaded people looking at me or saying anything. And I It was about fitting in and being chameleon and not being noticed.

And actually that's why I called my business, Claudia Sabina, because that I'm taking back my name. It is my name. And feels so absolutely empowering to do that. And people will pronounce it wrong. But actually now I have the confidence to say, It's not Cordia, it's Claudia. And I think it

feels so freeing. And what I want for you is to be able to start putting this You are not being overly bossy and opinionated, but you are deserving of an opinion. You don't just have to go with the flow. You don't have to do what everybody else says, if it is not what you want to do, but this all links back to what we did last time is about defining what you want, what your values are, what you stand for.

And making sure that you're living in alignment with that. So if something doesn't align with how you are thinking and feeling, actually going, well, this is not for me, I'm making that decision. And I know that is a lot easier said than done. And part of that is down to the which wind. So, you, I think most people know about this, but you might not, but obviously a lot of us have this generational trauma from when there were the witch trials and people, anyone that spoke up or was a healer or was a leader were potentially persecuted and called witches.

They were then went through witch trials where they either drowned or burned at a stake and if you didn't die you were clearly a witch, but many people did die because of that. They weren't witches, but they just tried to speak up. So a lot of us can really feel this deep fear about speaking up. We don't necessarily even know where it's coming from, but it's like, oh, it's not safe.

It's not safe for me to have my own thoughts, my own opinions. It's not safe for me to be seen as me. And that can take quite a bit of overcoming. So what I'd encourage you to do is start small. Literally, just pick something really tiny that nobody else will probably even notice that you're doing. But literally, just say, actually, I'd rather not do that.

Or, I prefer X. Start small. And to see how it goes. And if you get some resistance, that's normal. It's natural. Particularly if you're a long serving people pleaser. Um, you will get people pushing back and saying Oh, I didn't expect resistance off them. But, just because they don't expect resistance of you doesn't mean it's right.

And a lot of them pushing back is about them. It's definitely not about you. And they should probably take a look at themselves and think about why that's, why that's bothering them. That you, you actually having an opinion and having a right to. express it, that is really important. And I want to encourage you to think about the language that you use because these words matter, they matter so much.

So I started this podcast with the, I can't even remember what I said there, um, with the phrase, um, it will come to me at some point, uh, which was the phrase, let's see, Vegas coffee choosers. This is something that gets thrown around a lot, but we get to choose whether we believe these phrases. So just try and be mindful.

So when you think certain thoughts, and if they're repeated, like, Oh, I'm so useless, or I'm never going to do this. Think about how you can tweak it ever so slightly to make a change that is going to really help you. Now, I went into this in more detail in episode four of the podcast, about really refra about really reframing the way that we talk to ourselves, whether that's our mental tractor in our head or what we're saying verbally to others, and what that is for us.

Telling the world. So are we saying that we respect our time, that we want to nourish and Nurture ourselves by showing ourselves that love and self care. Are we saying actually, you know, I will like put my own needs last and do everything for everybody else, but then feel really grumpy about it and get a bit passive aggressive.

What are we How are we showing up? And are there some of those things actually stopping us from experiencing wellness? So, in the case of people pleasing, is it that we are so busy doing other people's things that we don't actually have that time to look after ourselves? And is that then causing us to feel resentful?

And then, showing up in a way that isn't aligned with who we believe we are. So we're always snappy, when we don't want to be snappy, but we're snappy because we're tired and we're over committed. And we should have said no, and we know we should have said no, but then we're feeling annoyed at ourselves because we didn't say no.

It turns into this whole ball of chaos and actually, what you need to do is walk it back and go, Actually, I deserve to put this in place. to protect me, protect myself, to look after myself so that I can show up with the right amount of energy and the right attitude and the right frame of mind and deliver my best self.

I have a wonderful masterclass all about overcoming people pleasing. I will pop the details of that in the show notes, but I just want to finish this practical guide. on what is stopping me from experiencing wellness. I'm really encouraging you to think about all of the ways that you are worthy. of experiencing wellness as per your definition that we created last time.

You are worthy. You do, you have the power to put that in place. And what is stopping you? Are you self sabotaging? And it can be really uncomfortable to ask you that question. I feel it here, like it can be really uncomfortable to go, okay, am I self sabotaging? sabotaging here. You might immediately dismiss it and go, no, no, I'm not.

But actually. I think deep down, the only person who knows is yourself. And I think you might be. You're getting in your own way. You are worthy of experiencing wellness. That's it for today. Speak to you next week.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode. for tuning in to another episode of the Empowered by Claudia podcast. With me, Claudia. I'm proud to be in a wellness. com. If you're ready to transform your life, then get in touch for more information on how I can support you. All of my links of how to contact me. I'm in the Shownotes or at my website, www.claudiasabinawellness.com. Thank you.