16. Mirror Mirror: Embracing Reflection as a Self-love Tool

In this episode Claudia discusses the importance of reflection as a self-love tool, encouraging curiosity and self-compassion rather than self-criticism. She also reviews 2023 in both her personal life and business discussing highs and lows.

Here is Claudia's FREE Self-love and Confidence Boosting Affirmation Audio Recording

Find out more about the Leading Lady Self-love Academy here

Start the new year of to the best start with the 33 Day Goal Getter Challenge to help you smash your goals in 2024 - for only £33

Contact Claudia by email: hello@claudiasabinawellness.com if you would like to know more about her membership supporting business owners to grow a heart centred business (or for individual support).

Thank you for listening, wishing you love, happiness and abundance in 2024.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Empowered by Claudia podcast. Today I'm jumping on just to have a little conversation really about reflection and how we can reflect this number of different ways. This is something that comes naturally to some people and not necessarily to others. But I think there's always.

value in it. I find it really helpful and I generally find that I need time to think about things. I like to mull on them and ponder them and only then I kind of can pull everything together and go, okay, yeah, I get that. Other people are different. Other people can immediately sum something up and make a witty statement and pop it on social media.

And I totally admire that because I'm definitely a thinker. So as be, I've been a nurse for a long time now we qualified in 2005. So. Yeah, we, reflection is, is part and parcel of our daily work. We obviously take learning from different incidents and improve our practice as a result. But reflection is not necessarily just limited to professions.

In our daily life, we can reflect on what, what have our challenges and successes been in the last week, month, year, decade, however it is. And I think that it's so important. So that's why I wanted to dedicate this episode to reflection. And I'm still recovering from my surgery. So I'm not able to really do much on the computer at all.

So I won't be able to edit this episode. So please do bear with me. And I apologize if you do hear me move my paper. I've printed out a few different things just to keep me on track. So don't go off, off schedule too much. So with reflection, sometimes we avoid it because we don't want to ask those questions of ourselves.

We don't want to say, well, what if I'd done something different because it opens up that door to doubt. And, you know, have I done the right things? Well, actually. I mean, there's that saying about, you know, hindsight is always 20, 20 cause yeah, it's really easy to look back and go, Oh, well, I should have just done this, but actually what, what was the lesson?

What have we learned from that? And is there anything that we can do following on from that to, to make a different outcome next time? So there are, this is how I like to call it, but this cycle is where we, we reflect, we look back on what's happened. We then pick some learning from it to learn, celebrate our achievements.

And even if things haven't gone wrong, you know. Like any great inventor has tried a million and one times until they find the perfect recipe. It doesn't always happen first time. You often have to kind of dust yourself off going, right. Okay. Well, I persevered. I'm resilient. I'm going to keep going. And then the four stages of refine.

So you've got reflect, learn, celebrate, and refine. And I will go into them a little bit more. So reflect, I think going into this in a really honest curious manner, not judging, not being overly critical, but literally going with that curious mindset. Okay. So what happened? How did that feel and could we have done something different and try and stop avoiding because sometimes, and I'm guilty of this myself, but I know that I would like to journal on something, but I, I'm too afraid to start because I'm worried about what it will bring up.

And am I ready to deal with that? And actually. It's giving yourself that compassion and saying, okay, getting these fears coming, but actually sometimes the fear is much, much worse. Then the reality and you can spend so much time talking yourself out of doing something. And then actually, when you get around to doing it is absolutely not a problem.

So try and be curious and honest with yourself when you are reflecting, nobody needs to know. Nobody needs to see what you're writing or thinking about. It's just personal to you. And then I'd make sure that you, if you've got to sit there and reflect just earmark some time. Get yourself an ice. Bit of peace and quiet it might be that you want like a cozy blanket or just really make yourself feel comfortable and safe and nurtured.

Maybe you want a hot drink, like obviously hot chocolate is my, my favorite drink. And just literally just took yourself away and have a think about whatever it is that has prompted you to want to reflect on. Then the second step would be to learn from it. So what is there to learn from this? Now, this might've been something that actually was a success.

Or it could be something that didn't go quite as you planned. So, but what is there to learn? Cause they will always be something. It might be that you went to a party and you were quite nervous beforehand because you didn't really know anyone. And actually afterwards, yeah, you felt awkward, but you did actually meet someone in the end.

And so it would be, the learning is that even though you have that fear before going, that actually the value is that you then get to connect with new people and, and build those relationships. And actually the outcome is definitely. Better than the fear going into it. So the next time that you come across a situation where you go into an event where you don't know anyone, you kind of can learn from that previous experience going, okay, yes, I know it feels uncomfortable now.

I know I feel nervous, but next time, actually. I know that that is purely temporary. And as soon as I get there, I get talking to people. I'll have a really good time. The third step is to celebrate your achievements, your milestones. It doesn't matter how small we're still here. We're still standing, you know, whatever the past week, month, year is thrown at us, we are still standing and that is something to celebrate.

And I think it's really easy to say it to other people, but then to do it to yourself. But I am going to go into that in a little bit more detail in a sec. And then the last set is to refine. So do you need to make any adjustments? If this is an ongoing goal, for example, is there any tweaks that you can make?

Having learned from that reflection and celebration, is there anything else that you want to adjust? And actually, As I said before, it is absolutely fine to not be perfect first time, whatever you're working towards, whether it's a particular goal or just general life. You know, we're not going to get it perfect, but.

I don't remember who said it, but there's this thing about you know, what is the point of delaying the celebration to when you've achieved the goal, if you don't enjoy the process, because you'll achieve that goal and you won't feel any different because you haven't actually enjoyed. The route getting there and it particularly, if it's taken you a period of time to get there, it can be really hard.

So what I mean in all this is that it's actually enjoying the journey, enjoying your daily life and trying to think, okay, so what, what can I do today to bring a bit of joy? Is it, you know, watching the sunset? Or sunrise, if you're so inclined, but easier in the winter, it's a bit later, but you know, what little bit, or is it that you've got a really lovely soft scarf that you like to wear that makes you feel nurtured and safe when you wear it and actually incorporating that into your daily wardrobe, it doesn't have to be a big thing, but what little things can just give you that warmth.

So I thought I'd use this episode a bit to, to face something that's been a little challenging for me. And actually that would be a reflection of how 2023 was for me personally, but also in the business. Things haven't gone as I intended. And there's a number of different reasons why some of that I've shared, some of it I haven't basically 2023 was a, it was a great year overall.

I made lots of great connections both personally and in the business. I became an auntie again, got a lovely new nephew. And Harry started school and actually he settled in so much better than we were expecting and that has been such a relief. But it's also been a really frustrating year. I spent the first five months doing a master's module, which was really, really tough juggling that with young children and just getting back into education after it was 13 years since I'd written academically, but also had never written at master's level.

And that was really hard to juggle that work, business, children, being in a relationship. Just everything, keep it on top of the house, like it was so exhausting. And so that put things on the back burner and then I finally felt like I was going to get some momentum up and then I got COVID in September and that, I mean, to be perfectly honest with you, my lungs still aren't back to normal.

I'm still having to take a steroid inhaler which I've never had to take prior to this. And then I've had my carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand, which to be honest, took me a lot by surprise. I focused a lot on the fact that, you know, the surgeon was like, well, it's only under local anaesthetic.

It'll take like 20, 30 minutes. You just can't drive for a week. But actually It's been five weeks. It's been incredibly painful. I still can't do stuff like squeeze the shower gel. So I have to leave the top off and just little things like butter in. A slice of toast or whatever I really struggle with.

I am getting a lot more function back, but I'm still nowhere near. And, and what, as I said at the beginning, my ability to use the computer is pretty much non existent. So yeah, I'm just requiring a lot more help than I expected. Taking a lot more time and energy to recover. And so for that point of view, that's been quite frustrating because I've had so many ideas for the business and to share with you, but physically I've had these obstacles.

I've been feeling quite low, but thankfully I have some wonderful friends and my partner, Ed, so supportive that have really, really helped me kind of take the rest I need. So I say in summary, like my 2023 has been a year of, of learning both professionally, both in the business, but also learning myself.

I received a couple of diagnosis this year that have really changed how I how, how I do things because actually, so with regards to like the ADHD. I'm still waiting the formal diagnosis, but I've. I've been told that basically I'm showing all the signs and say they're just waiting for confirmation really.

But that's really helped me because I'm actually being a lot kinder to myself going, okay, well this is how my brain works. Let's do this differently rather than just beating myself up for going, well, why don't, why don't you do this? Like everyone else actually going, no, this is the way I prefer to do it.

And actually that's really helped me. So I definitely say like learning and self compassion have been my themes of the year, thinking about burnout. So the training that I did, for my NHS job was so that I can help coach staff basically to prevent burnout and to help them reflect on the things that they are experiencing at work and all the challenges and how they can.

Basically protect their emotional wellbeing, but also whilst developing their professional identity. And it's been really lovely to merge my coaching experience with all of my knowledge and experience of, you know, 21 years working in the NHS. It's just, that has been really, really good. And it's been really lovely hearing the impacts that I've had on people and how the services help them.

But on the same sense, it's been really hard not being at work because I know that there are people that I would be supporting if I was at work. So yeah, it's, it's, it's definitely been a, a frustrating year. But I have learned so much. I have been really paying attention to the impact of my mental cycle and looking into cyclical living.

And actually being understanding of going, okay, well, I've got no energy this week, but that's because of which stage I'm in. And actually next week I'll have a boost. And that's when I like to do some decluttering and deeply in the house and those kinds of things. That has really given me peace this year and avoiding comparing myself to others, particularly on social media, people having, you know, X amount of income per month or whatever, or the meeting certain goals.

And actually that is fantastic for them. And I will celebrate other people because I love celebrating other people. However. Not expecting me to do the same because ultimately I haven't had as much time and energy to dedicate to the business this year because of all of the stuff that's going on physically and mentally.

It's, it's been a lot, so I feel quite positive about the year. And I'm really grateful for having done the reflection because I was feeling a bit disheartened thing. You know, if you just look at certain metrics, like how much money have you brought in or these kinds of things, it's very easy to get disheartened, particularly if you start comparing yourself, but actually when you think about.

All of the things I've learned and who I am and how I've developed as a person, plus this podcast. I'm so proud of myself for this. I, I started, I came up with a logo in August 22. I think I bought the microphone in September 22. I didn't actually launch it. Until well, the trailer was in July 23 and the first episode, the 1st of August, 2023.

And that was because I met Denise Duffield Thomas at an event in March. And on the way home, her podcast episode for that week was about how to set up your own podcast. And I was like, I promised myself, I actually sent her a message and said, look. I'm going to set up my podcast. This is, this is my, I'm putting it out there.

This is my commitment. And I'm so proud of that. This podcast is 15 episodes, which has been downloaded 561 times 534 minutes of content. And. They've been downloaded in over 15 countries and I just feel so grateful to each and every one of you. It means so much and if you'd love to pop a review or some stars or both I'd be very, very grateful.

And there have been other great things that have happened this year as well. I've met so many amazing people, both networking events, but also through them coming onto the podcast as guests. I've also invested. In a system, so everything is hosted in the same place, which is really helping from an ADHD perspective, but also just on a practical time, poor perspective that everything is in one place.

I know a lot more, I'm a lot more aligned in my offering it offering. I know what I want to support people with, and my, and this is really big part of the reflection is that I, the business isn't anything without me. So if I am burnt out and unwell, the business, there's nothing, there's no business. So actually by building a business that is sustainable with regards to making sure that I am filling up my cup and healing from surgery and giving myself that time and space to rest is.

The only way forward. And I want to share that with other people who were thinking of setting up a business to actually setting it up, or even if they have a business and want to re rejig their priorities so that they got to look after themselves first. And then you have so much more energy and enthusiasm for the business because it is set up in an aligned way.

And it just supports you in a much more authentic way. It means you can show up more authentically because you're not telling people to look after themselves, but not looking after yourself. So that's kind of been really key to me. And I'm looking forward to doing some workshops for business owners and launching a membership just to really help other business owners in these beginning stages of business.

All of the things that I've learned. So how to set up your business with the right legal support, with the, you know, the right systems, those processes, all of the things that I absolutely love doing and sharing that information with other business owners. So if that's something that resonates with you, please do send me a message on Instagram or by email.

And I'd love to hear from you. The other thing is the launch of my leading lady self love Academy is a self paced course it will eventually be a group poaching program. However, as discussed, I am just protecting my energy with regards to committing to these group coaching calls, because I want to show up for you in the best way possible.

And I. I just need to make sure that I have that time. I don't want to start something and then stop it. So it's self paced. I've had a wonderful lady go through it all. And it is, she's really, really enjoyed it. Got so much benefit from it. And I'd love you to give it a go too. It is. Absolutely just jam packed full of value and you will absolutely love it.

So you can have a look on my website and I'll put the link in the show notes for the leading lady self love, love Academy, just really helping you prioritize. Your health and well being first learnt firsthand, everything's tried and tested and I've been really grateful to do some in person events we've had stalls and these.

It was two events I did that was, they're actually supporting Cairns Bags, which is a charity that provides essential care bags to parents who have babies in neonatal unit, intensive care units. Incredibly close to my heart because both of my babies ended up in intensive care. But also my nephew did as well.

So it's really, really important to. Support parents in that stage. Cause it is heartbreaking. So it's such a vital charity and I'm really glad that I was able to show up, support them and yeah, meet some fantastic people there as well. And then. Last but absolutely not least, I was really privileged to be nominated as a finalist for two awards.

So the Paul Moir 2023 Uplifting Women Awards, I was a finalist in the Inspiring Woman category, and I was also a finalist in the Nottingham Baby and Toddler Favourite Parent Service Provider. And that was really, really humbling to be nominated for these two awards, and I'm so grateful and it was wonderful to see all these people achieving amazing things and to be in that room.

And obviously to get dressed up and have fabulous nights out as well. Which. So for 2024

this, this year, I'm so excited to continue to build upon the foundations that I've started in 2023 and making sure that my business remains aligned and authentic and comes from the heart so that I am caring for myself. I am. Rehabilitate myself after the surgery potentially got surgery on the other wrist as well this year.

And some other things going on. So for me, it's very much a focus on health and recovery whilst obviously growing the business and encouraging other business owners to also grow from that place of self love and self compassion. But this is not just for people who have. Side hustle or a business is for everybody because it's increasingly hard, this world that we live in.

And I think we get so easily caught up in looking at what other people are doing online. It can feel quite disheartening. And actually coming from that place of being able to internally validate yourself, so knowing that you are enough. Write down to your bones and not worrying about what other's opinions of you are or well, they're doing that, but I'm not and Really really truly loving yourself is so vital and we have that in mind.

I've actually got a free self love and confidence boosting. It's like a bit like a meditation, but it's basically 111 affirmations to boost your self love and confidence. And they, there's some beautiful uplifting music behind them. It's a really nice track to listen to. It's about seven minutes long.

It's absolutely free of charge. And the link will be in the show notes, or you can go onto my website, cloudiusabinawellness. com. And there's a header saying freebies and it's just in there. Freebies or free resources. I can't entirely remember. But yeah, I'd love for you to download that and let that be the backing track to your 2024.

I'm so excited to continue to show up. I have those guest interviews as promised previously. I'm just looking for some help to get them edited because as I said, I can't really use my hands very much at the moment. But wishing you all the best, lots of love, abundance and happiness in 2024.

And that's all for me for today. I hope you enjoyed listening. Please do tell a friend, send me a message on what your goals are for 2024. If you've got a word of the year and any thoughts you have about this episode. Thank you so much.